Champ Car Fantasy Racing Grid

[TRD]

In a press conference held by Pez Debuck, it was announced that Krispy Kreme doughnuts has bought a major stake in the Jayspeed team. "With this mega sponsorship deal, we are pleased to announce our third driver as Gil DeFerran" said Debuck while scarfing down a doughnut. Terms of the deal were not disclosed but it is rumoured to be in the range of 30 Billion (doughnuts that is).

[R]

The R Racing team can now officially confirm that snowboarder Stine Brun Kjeldaas will be their pit babe in the CART series this season.

[rdjones]

Team Super Owls Press Release

After several weeks of planning,a new champ car, Team Super Owls are please to confirm there plans for the 2001 season.
The team have confirmed that will run 3 cars for the season a funded by the high street retailer Argos. The driver Line up will be

Dario Franchitti
Bruno Junqueria
Gil de Ferran

The team will also be adding a fourth car to there for race to the team for the race at Rockingham in September. This car will be driven by Jenson Button. There is also the possiblty of a fifth car for Nigel Mansell, who is in talks with the team.

The team will use Raynard chassis and will be powered by Honda engines.

The team press officer will be Vicki Bulter-Henderson
The team pit-babe will be Britney Speares

The team are hoping for great things in 2001

[Liz]

Welcome Team Owls! You make it 17 teams on the Grid. And counting.

--------------

This is what I show so far:

Pilots:

Christian Fittipaldi
Jimmy Vasser
Nicholas Minassian
Oriol Servia
Tora Tagaki
Adrian Fernandez (2)
Dario Franchitti (2)
Max Papis (2)
Michael Andretti (2)
Bruno Junqueria (3)
Cristiano da Matta (3)
Helio Castro-Neves (3)
Paul Tracy (4)
Gil de Ferran (5)
Alessandro Zanardi (5)
Kenny Brack (5)

Engines:

Honda (8)
Toyota (6)
Ford (2)

Chassis:

Lola (5)
Reynard (12)

[OVERSTEER]

I can now confirm that Dario Franchitti and Alex Zanardi will run with Budweiser sponsorship, we have yet to confirm sponsorship for Helio castro Neves.
Our pit babe is going to Christina Aguilera.

[senna12]

WESCAN RACING press officer I.M. Sorry today visited what used to be the P.P.I. racing complex, which is apparently being sold and moved to North Carolina. Due to this unforeseen situation, the team has requested the permission of the comissioner to void the tentative agreement that had been reached with Oriol Servia, and sign young Canadian hotshot Alexander Tagliani to partner Paul and Michael this year, as the young Quebecois brings the extra sponsorship of Bombardier, who will supply the team with a Challenger jet for ferrying everyone around!! The team is also pleased to announce that after an exhaustive search, we have signed the gorgeous Caprice Bourrett as pit babe for the coming season

The team is just waiting for confirmation from the commissioner of the driver change before commencing testing for the upcoming season

[Airhead]

Press Release:

Major sponsor Berry Red Cordial (the food dye you can trust) annouces the formation of a two car Champ Car team. The team to be officially known as "Team Aggression Maximisation" has secured Honda power for their Reynard chasis.

The long awaited announcement on the teams star driver line up was delivered in a burst of red mist to the assembled crowd of free loaders at the teams launch at the front bar of the Seedy Pit Babe Hotel. The drivers are Michael "so you thought it was safe to go back in the water" Andretti and Paul "Crash and Burn" Tracey. The two drivers were seen arm in arm and whispering sweat nothings into each others ears as the motley crew were thrown through the front door of the classy establishment.

The owner of the team, a small spectacled Canadian (by birth) ex Touring Car Racer and general great guy Allan Moffat has employed the services of Pamela Anderson Lee as the Team's spin doctor, for the simple reason that it doesn't matter what she says, no one is listening.

[Liz]

Welcome Team Aggression - you are Team No. 17 (The Race Commissioner can't count.)

Wescan Racing Ltd. we have logged your change from Oriol Servia to Alexandre Tagliani. I believe this is called "out of the frying pan, into the fire."

I really think our racing season is going to be a lot more fun than the one they are running "out there"!

-------

I am not showing Press Officerse for the following teams:

DontCrashPaul
EMS Racing
Team Crunch
Team Xenomorphic
Heskith Racing


I am not showing sponsors for the following teams:

DontCrashPaul
EMS Racing
Team Crunch
Team Xenomorphic
Heskith Racing
The Skidmarks

I am not showing a third car for the following teams:

DontCrashPaul
Team Crunch
Team Xenomorphic
Team Dangerous
Tulip Racing Champ Cars
Gonk Racing (U.S.) Inc.
The Skidmarks

Note that you are not required to fill any of these positions; it's just the pilots, engines and chassis that are required.

[Gerard]

Press Release: Update.

Tulip Champ Car Racing is changing its two driver line-up to a three driver line-up.

driver 1: Gil de Ferran
driver 2: Bruno Junqueira
driver 3: Paul Tracy
car: Reynard
engine: Honda
press officer: Fletcher 'Weasel' Vandenstock
pit babe: Calista Flockhart
sponsor: WHTSTPDSPNSRNM Inc.

Press Officer
Fletcher 'Weasel' Vandenstock.

[MichaelC]

The SkidMarks: Press Release

This morning has been spent filling holes, something our press officer is allegedly very good at - ahem.

Drivers
We are pleased to announce that we have selected Dario 'No, I really am actully from Scotland' Franchitti as our third driver. We hope he will actully make it past the parade lap without spinning, something he proved unable to do 100% of the time last season.

Sponsors
Team SkidMarks is also pleased to have signed a one-year deal with Fisher-Price for the supply of rattles and prams to the team for when Mike Andretti doesn't win. Our secondary sponsor will be Andrex, which seemed appropriate given our name!

[elephino]

Hesketh Racing Press Release (spelling please Liz)

Due to circumstances, a sponsor cannot be announced until the 26th of January due to the website not being opened until then (my own website too ).

But to quell fears, a minor sponsor in Motorsport News magazine has been announced.

A press officer is yet to be hired...which makes you wonder how all these press releases come out.

[Minardi fan]

This just in from Louise Goodman:

"Not now Johnny... get lost... ok... Gonk Racing (U.S) Inc. is seeking an investigation into it's pit babe, Vicki-Butler Henderson, whom, it would appear, is also moonlighting as Team Super Owl's press officer. Naturally, Gonk Racing (U.S) Inc. is concerned about the sharing of confidential team information. The delectable Ms. Butler-Henderson had nothing to say on the issue when questioned. We are continuing our investigations.
"On a different note, Gonk Racing (U.S) Inc. would like to provisionally announce it's third driver as Shinji 'Well at least he scored 2 points in F1' Nakano. Shinji has stated he would like to drive for the team - Gonk Racing (U.S) Inc. is concerned that by the time he is finished there will be none of their cars left to drive. Expect a formal announcement shortly.
"Johnny... JOHNNY!!!"

[hoffy]

***PRESS RELEASE***

AFTER lenghty negotiaions with potential sponsors, Team Hoffspeed has pleasure in annoncing that it will contend the upcoming 2001 Fedex champcar series. The team will be as follows:

*Drivers: Dario Franchitti
Adrian Fernadez
Chassis: Lola
Engine: Ford
Sponsors: Depends, Durex, Lulu's Emporium of Massage (Where all the divers get UP to wind down) and of cause Tecate.
Media Liason: Ima Fullaschmit
Pit Babe: Lulu from Lulu's Emporium of massage
Team Principal: Nick Hoff (could of been worse! Thats all I'm gonna say)

When asked of the chances for the up coming season, Mr Hoff was reported to say, " really second is not good enough. I know it's going to be hard, but I really think we could be true championship contenders"

It is also rumored that they may have a third driver for the Honda Gold coast 300 round, namely Jason Bright. Mr Hoff was heard to say "that Queensland Goverment will pay just about bloody any thing to get BRight on the grid. It could be quite lucritive for the team!!"

[Marshal]

Team Twinkle, brought to you in association with Wrippoff and Leggitt Financial Services - long time motor racing backers - are delighted to announce their participation in this seasons Champ Car series.

The team will enter 3 drivers,

Robert Moreno
Jimmy Vasser
Kenny Brack

In a Lola - Honda

We are particularly delighted to announce Max Mosley as our press officer, a name synonymous with integrity and vision.

Mr. Mosely said "I hope that taking a long term view we will be able to rid the sport of any of that unpleasant overtaking, which so ruins champ car racing as a spectacle."

We are thinking of replacing him and offering the role to Cindy Crawford, whose addition to the team would further enhance the team image currently championed by official Pit Babe, Jennifer Lopez.

[Larsen]

Another Pitbabe has been added to the Xterminator Racing Team, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Lia are with Cameron Diaz. The three of them will be now called Charlie's Angels.

[rdjones]

Team Super Owls Press Release

Team Super Owls would like to say that Vicki Bulter-Hendeson, has sign an contract to be press officer for the 2001 season. The team would like to point out that she will also be working for GONK RACING (U.S) INC. in the 2001 season.

The team would also like to say that they are talking to Damon Hill about a possible drive at the Rockingham race in September.

[Liz]

Welcome Team Twinkle!

Apologies to Team Hesketh for misspelling their name. It has been corrected and the clerk responsible has been caned.

[Airhead]

Press Release: Team Aggression Maximisation

The first training session for drivers Paul Tracey and Michael Andretti was completed under the masterful instruction of ex-football coach Roy Masters. During the session the drivers were hyped to the point of frothing at the mouth then told to slap each other violently to achieve maximum focus. The sponsors product, red cordial, was then consumed by the gallon before the two drivers were given a pep talk and secret drug therapy by the teams director of race strategy - Hunter S Thompson. The team now has a trade mark pending on the term Gonzo Racing and a lucrative deal with Matel for a range of action figures and little toy cars.

The team PR girl, Pamela Andrerson Lee spoke for the first time today of the new innovation to the race cars themselves. I heads up display panel that is similar in concept to that used in the PC game Carmagedon 2. It consists primarily of trigger cross hairs and a 20mm cannon placed within the nose cone of each car.

Pamela appeared in the new "fear and loathing" lycra G string body suit thingo that had tyhe attention of everybody present barr Louise Goodman who walked out dragging an unemployed little British guy dressed in a faded green driving suit with her.

[OVERSTEER]

We are delighted to announce that Helio castro Neves will run with sponsorship from Mcdonalds, and we are pleased to announce our prees officer is going to Gisselle Davies who has left Jordan Grand prix.

[Liz]

Here are the pilots I now show as signed up for our 19 teams:

Christian Fittipaldi
Nicholas Minassian
Shinji Nakano
Alexandre Tagliani
Tora Tagaki
Roberto Moreno
Jimmy Vasser 2
Adrian Fernandez 2
Max Papis 2
Michael Andretti 2
Bruno Junqueria 3
Cristiano da Matta 3
Helio Castro-Neves 3
Dario Franchitti 5
Alessandro Zanardi 5
Paul Tracy 6
Gil de Ferran 6
Kenny Brack 6

Have I missed anybody?

[Airhead]

To: Liz

From: Pamela

Subject: Have I missed anybody?

Like Liz, how would I know, a girl has only so many fingers and toes (and breasts for that matter).

I was told during the recruitment and selection procedure involving a red couch and much body odour that Team Agression Maximisation was not strong on comparative analysis or data aquisition (or spelling). For this reason we are aiming to get the most from the drivers this year rather than the cars.

I will keep you in touch with our innovative pre-season training techniques. The next one I feature very prominently in.

Regards

Pammy

[marcus]

A Late entry into the upcoming Champ car series has been recieved from KARMA RACING

The team has succured the services of highly rated drivers such as

1.Roberto Moreno (sponsored by SUBway)
2.Scott Dixon (with backing from Mark Blundell)

the team have elected to use Reynard chassis and were planning to use Mercedes power ..until they were told that that engine is no longer available..DOH !!!

so they hastily went out and flogged a couple of Honda engines.

testing will begin when they could be bothered

[Liz]

Welcome, Team Karma. You are Team No. 20. Drop any suggestions in the box on the way to the buffet, and please remind your sponsors that it's mean not to bring enough for everybody.

===============

PRESS RELEASE

Team Penske Babe "We Ate All The Pies!" announces that Pit Babe duties will be shared this season between Ricardo Zonta and Paul Newman, who will be on duty as their respective racing duties permit. Rico will also be taking sponsors out in the Company Race Boat, as soon as we can teach him not to refer to it as "Taking Them For A Ride."

Pedro "El Guapo" Martinez
Press Officer and Former Pit Babe

[Crash Test]

DONTCRASHPAUL Racing Press Release

DONTCRASHPAUL Racing is proud to announce that Helio Castoneves will join Alex Zanardi and Kenny Brack aboard the team's Reynard Toyotas.

Also announced today is a major sponsorship deal with the Potato and Gravy Wrestling Association, and the Foxy Boxing Association.

Ar C. Moron
PR Uncoordinator
Potato & Gravy Wrestling/Foxy Boxing DONTCRASHPAUL Racing

[marcus]

KARMA RACING OFFICIAL WEBSITE RELEASED

In what seems to an outburst of complete boredom on a lazy afternoon the Karma racing team has released their official website..claiming they still had a few funds left over for the dial up cost and went to work while enjoying a few "Cold ones"
The site contains all relevant info about the team including drivers,team members, press releases and even the cost of it all..there is also a strange link to some sort of real racing team that is in operation.

Press officer for Karma racing ...a Miss Lois Lane says "its a comercial thing ..everyone has a website these days so we thought what the heck ..and its a damm fine effort considering the state of the bloke making it "

the team seems to be in a bit of a shambles but they seem to think they have a chance of winning something at least.

the website can be found hiding right about here

enjoy and may the best man or women win