Ten-Tenths Champ Car Fantasy Grid: Vancouver

[Liz]

Team Standings at Vancouver:

1. Fry Cook Moorsports 43
2. Forty Two Tulips Racing 37
3. Crooks Motorsport 33
4. Maple City Racing 32
5. Team GoFaster 28
6. Mud Hut Racing 27
7. Team of Audacious Brazilians 25
8. ILP Racing 24
* Pineapple Racing 24
9. DBR Racing 23
* MadCow Racing 23
* Senna12 Racing 23
* Team Aggression Maximisation 23
* Team G Strings & Tassels 23
10. Last Minute Racing 22
* Team BAM Sports 22
* Team Bastrad Fast 22
* Team Hertford 22
11. Team Domaza 21
* Domenech Racing 21
12. Hesketh Racing 20
13. Samba Boyz 18
14. Firestorm Racing 15
* PaulWontCrash 15
15. Seven Grain Motorsport 14
16. Team Tanalized Timber 10
17. Team Phisheads 7
18. Omar's Doomed Warriors 2
19. Crusta Racing 1
* EMS Racing 1
20. Mon-Toyota Racing -5
* Revcounter Racing -5
21. Team Vince -6
22. Dawn Racing -7
23. Karma Racing -8

NOTES: Because people who did't finish got points today, I treated them as if they had finished. If you find your score confusing, you won't be alone. Spreadsheets as always are available by request.

Congratulations to Firestorm Racing, who had two cars not only finish, but finish in the top five!

STANDINGS AFTER VANCOUVER:

1. Crooks Motorsport 270
2. Team GoFaster 260
3. DBR Team International 253
4. Team Domaza 247
5. Team G Strings & Tassels 245
6. Crusta Racing 230
* EMS Racing 230
* Seven Grain Motorsports 230
7. Team of Audacious Brazilians 227
8. ILP Racing 226
9. Senna12 Racing 224
10. Team Vince 221
* MadCow Racing 221
11. Maple City Racing 217
12. Hesketh Racing 206
13. Samba Boyz 205
14. Mon-Toyota Racing 198
* Mud Hut Racing 198
15. Team Aggression Maximisation 194
16. Omar's Doomed Warriors 176
* Team Hertford 176
17. Last Minute Racing 172
18. Firestorm Racing 154
19. Team Phishhead 153
20. Karma Racing 151
* Fry Cook Motorsports 151
21. Team BAM Sports 150
* Team Bastrad Fast 150
22. PaulWontCrash 149
* Team Hustler Magazine 149
23. Team Tanalized Timber 148
24. Team Wrex 140
25. Revcounter Racing 122
26. Dawn Racing 120
27. Pineapple Racing 99
28. Forty Two Tulips Racing 37*

*new team

[GoFaster]

****TEAM GoFaster PRESS RELEASE****

Even with first car out AGAIN,we got lucky today.We picked up some points that we may have not deserved.Next race is at home track for us.With some luck,we hope to overcome the Crooks team for the lead in standings.

[Arneal]

Sun Shines on Mud Hut

Vancouver, BC - Mud Hut Racer Dario Franchitti flew fast enough for victory in Vancouver Sunday afternoon to bring the Truchas based concern their seventh podium of the season and their second race win. After the race the super Scot said, "It feels great to be on the top step of the podium for a change. When the race started it looked like I would be third again. I swear I've finished third ten times this year. Fortunately that fat bleached blonde inexplicably failed to pit on lap 36 and then that bald dwarf guy pulled over and quit. With that kind of luck how could I not win!"

Sixth place teammate Micheal Andretti felt Dario had done a great job, "This should put to rest all the rumors about that Hollywood slutlet sapping his spirit. I think Mud Hut management has had more to do with his not winning, I know thats why I've only won once this year, they make me so angry. Maybe this win will give Dario the cajones to tell Ashley her hat is ugly. If he wins three in a row maybe he'll inform her she hasn't made a decent movie in years!"

Mud Hut chief mechanic Juan Onate missed the weekend because of a family emergency at his grandparents home in Zacatecas, Mexico. "I knew if the cars broke there would be no one to fix them", a real concern considering the heavy curb riding common in BC, "so I replaced all the suspension pieces with heavy duty parts. That is probably why our cars survived when so many others failed."

[Laagri]

*** Fantastic Debut for Forty Two Tulips ***

Forty Two Tulips, the reincarnation of euroJADS Racing, shook the CART establishment on Sunday in Vancouver by claiming an overall second place in its very first race.

Team principal Anno Nymouse was overcome with joy and emotion after the fantastic result. "Weheeey," he said, repeatedly.

Pit babe Estella Warren was overcome with joy and emotion after watching the thrilling race. "Weheeey," she shrieked, watching two of the team's drivers on the podium.

Dario Franchitti, driving the #27 Marmite Lola Honda, won the race and was overcome with joy and emotion after finally recording his first victory of the year. "Weheeey," he commented, tucking into his toast and Marmite.

Tony Kanaan, driving the #10 Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Lola Honda, finished third and was overcome with joy and emotion after finally recording his first decent finish of the year. "Weheeey," he commented, booking his holiday flight to Wales.

Kenny Bräck, driving the #12 IKEA Lola Honda, was the first retirement and was overcome with emotion after retiring on the first lap yet again. "Fan," he said, studying the instructions for his new flat-pack furniture and finding that yet another screw was missing. "Still, at least it will be interesting to see whether the Ten-Tenths automatic censor picks up that Swedish swear word."

Forty Two Tulips is now looking forward to participating in its second race, at Mid-Ohio in two weeks' time. Weheeey!

[f1manoz]

PRESS RELEASE
29/07/2002

Satisfactory Result for DBR Team Int.

DBR International are pleased with their results from Vancouver. Although lead driver Cristiano da Matta retired with another mechanical failure, our other drivers Patrick Carpentier and Michel Jourdain Jr kept their noses clean and came home 4th and 5th respectively.

Each driver has blamed divine intervention for their position or problem, thanks to 'Popestock', which was taking place in Toronto.

'I think God was angry at me for some reason,' stated Cristiano, 'because I was doing really well, everything running fine, then nothing. Car just stopped. If that isn't the wrath of God, then I don't know what is.'

Cristiano will now be holed up in church for a week re-evaluating his faith.

Michel was happy with his fourth place. 'I'd like to thank God for clearing the road for me during the race today. What a swell guy!'

Patrick was just as happy stating his pleasure at the man upstairs. 'Despite not being overly religious, I feel there was something guiding me during today's race,' stated the Canadian.

Sumjurc Ramdmicar
Press Officer

[Liz]

Mrs. Fields Pies Crayola Team of Audacious Brazilians Press Release

Vancouver, BC - It was a rough day for the Audacious Brazilians today, although after his huge crash on Friday due to busted suspension parts, Bruno was very happy just to get 9th place points. "When I saw Scotty's suspension go Bang," he said, "I thought here we go again. But fortunately the car held together until Adrian Fernandez hit it in lap 93. I'm off to give Patrick Carpentier a piece of my mind for that spin."

Tony Kanaan was overjoyed to finish 3rd, and claimed all the credit for his adroit and successful avoidance of all the crashes happening around him. "I knew if I just stayed out of trouble I was going to get some points," he said. "I'm overjoyed to finish third. Does anybody know how to get champagne out of Nomex?"

Team leader Cristiano had nothing to say. He was on the phone talking about half shafts when he was last seen. "I think somebody has it in for him," was Bruno's observation.

We are looking forward to Mid Ohio because we like the track, and because there's nothing to do there so we can catch up on our sleep. We hope Cristiano will have better luck next weekend. The management is going to the ALMS/Trans Am race at Trois Rivieres and will be leaving the team in the capable hands of Heidi the, er, exercise mistress. If we do not see good results, Helga will be sent with the team to Montreal.

Pedro "El Guapo" Morales
Morale Officer and Press Guy

We ate all the pies!

[macdaddy]

A bittersweet day for Maple City Racing. Franchitti's long-awaited victory was cause for celebration, especially as he closes the gap on daMatta and moves back into second place in the championship. But our elation was subdued as the team awaited word on the condition of Fernandez. Seems he's going to be okay, but he sure is walking funny. Kinda like a duck.

[Speedworx]

Firestorm Racing are a little baffled as to why they are so far down the Vancouver results, when they got 1st and 5th.

[Liz]

Firestorm Racing had 139 points coming into Vancouver. It takes more than one race to move you up the grid, as Paul Tracy is finding out ...

[marcus]

official Karma Racing press release..




PANTS PANTS PANTS

[mac]

PINEAPPLE RACING NO LONGER LAST!

Pineapple Racing were overjoyed to have climbed off the bottom of the ladder. However, this was only due to the new 42 Tulips team joining the competition. And they nearly knocked us off at their first race.

Tony Kanaan today recorded Pineapple Racing's second ever podium result. Pineapple's first podium was from replacement driver Bruno Junqueira at Portland. After starting in 6th place, Kanaan made a bold move down the inside of turn 1 to take 5th place at the start. Tony drove a solid race to finish 3rd.

"It's about *******g time we got up here. You don't know how hard it's been. I just want to kiss everyone," said the big-nosed Brazilian. "The car was a piece of **** again today, but I fought like an angry ******* and we got a result."

"Liz, the Race Commissioner told me I made a brilliant move on Carpentier for 3rd, but I didn't see it because I was driving along and I sneezed. When I cleaned all the snot off the inside of my visor, I was in front of him."

Returning to the team after his cars went missing, he turned to alcohol and underwent alcoholism rehabilitation, Oriol Servia had a strong race. However, Servia was forced out of the race with gearbox problems.

"It's good to be back," stated the likeable Catalan. "The team is just how I remember it .... ****! They still can't put a race car together that will finish a race. No wonder me and tequila got on so well."

Pineapple Racing's 3rd driver, Alex Tagliani was credited with a 7th place finish. It was an eventful day for Tags, and it ended with a multi-car incident at turn 5.

"At the start, the car was simply rubbish. It was ****. I mean, it was really, really bad. Shocking. The car was just abominable," stated the hometown boy. "Then after the 1st pitstop, the car ..... I don't think you understand how bad the car was in the first stint - it was truly horrific, undrivable, a real nightmare."

"Anyway, we were going along all right with 10 laps to go, and Carpentier spun. It was some imbecyllic driving. How you spin it there I don't know. I think he felt something was missing from the race, now Townsend Bell isn't here. So he decided to be the idiot."

"We just all piled into each other trying to avoid him. And he got away with no damage! Where is he?"

Pineapple Racing look forward to the Mid-Ohio round in 2 weeks time.

P. Dribbler
Chief Media Liason Officer
Pineapple Racing

[Invincible]

****Team Vince Press Release****

Team boss Vince Invincible has stated in an emergency press release that the team will take drastic measure to improve themselves after an 'diabolical' race at Vancouver.

In a statement Invincible slated the car as the reason for their unusual performance saying "We would have done better if we were driving Andrea Moda's!"

Also Invincible has sacked his pit babe Dawn McDaniel and replaced him with British Big Brother winner Kate Lawler.

Invincible said "I'm very glad to have Kate on board and I hope we'll have a great time together!" winking just after he'd finished.

****Team Vince Press Release****

To be released immeadiately 30-07-2002

[Speedworx]

Liz: It helpf if you actually read the post. I said I was surpirsed to be so far down the VANCOUVER POINTS, not the overall points.

[Liz]

Oops, sorry! I checked the figures and there was a mistake just as you suspected. You have 48 points and are No. 1 in Vancouver!

[Speedworx]

Woohoo!

So means I have 187 points overall and move from 23rd into 20th.

[Arneal]

I'd like an explanation of Mud Huts scoring. Dario qualified 3rd and finsished first which should be good for 22 points. Mikey qualified 5th and finished 6th which should be 8 points. Sum them up and you get 30 points, yet Mud Hut has been scored at 27 points.

Is there a secret 10% penalty for teams that employ Michael Andretti? We all know your feelings toward him.

[Liz]

No, just a mistake in writing down the numbers. I forgot to add in the Hard Charger points for your drivers.

So your total for Vancouver is 30 and your overall total is 201.

Firestorm Racing has 48 points for Vancouver and 187 overall points.

[Sea Green]

Excuse me, but can I see one of the spreadsheets please?

[StuiE]

Originally posted by Arneal


Is there a secret 10% penalty for teams that employ Michael Andretti? We all know your feelings toward him.

Couldnt be! Im leading!


******CROOKS MOTORSPORT******

HOWD WE GET OUT OF THAT ONE?!


Crooks motorsport somehow took 4th in Vancouver, after at one point having the last 3 cars in the race, and then Tora taking a punt at Mikey , oh well, we still finished ok, and stretch the lead over Team GoFaster (TGF ) to ten points. Going into TGF's home race... Lets beat 'em!

[Liz]

The two luckiest drivers in our field this weekend were Carpentier and Jourdain, who got huge amounts of Hard Charger points just for staying on the track. Jourdain went from 18th to 4th, and Carpentier from 16th to 5th.

[Jordi]

Domenech Racing PR

Where are we?

Race Comissioner, I think Domenech Racing has been forgotten in the standings!!!

As for the results, we were lucky with Carpentier miraculosly missing the wall, but unlucky with Servia and Vasser retiring our of the points.

[Speedworx]

Lots of mistakes this race.

[R]

Dawn Racing can't seem to find its rival Team Wrex in the Vancouver standings, and wonder if that team has withdrawn in order not to score minus points and thus remain at 140. Dawn Racing are therefore contemplating doing the same for the next race, in order to at least remain at 120 points, and not get any more points deducted.

(Note: Dawn Racing are only joking. )

[macdaddy]

Will Maple City Racing be able to score any points from Papis' ride in the #51 car come MidOhio? Seems our driver is going to "stand" this one out.

[Liz]

Yes, we will substitute Papis for Fernandez for anyone who wants to do that. It's not Adrian's fault that Bruno was changing the CD when Adrian signalled he was turning left!

I'll look up the missing teams when I get home and post their points. It probably wouldn't hurt me to refigure the whole race. Sorry that I seem to have been asleep at the switch on this one.