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Old 6 Jul 2020, 13:33 (Ref:3986247)   #2076
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In discussions such as this, I really miss the measured and considered of the late and much-lamented sage of Attleborough, Mike Bell.
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 13:52 (Ref:3986251)   #2077
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Lighter note;

Why don't elephants like penguins?

Answer; ????????
Something to do with removing wrappers. If my memory is working. Or, in light of the previous area of discussion should that be removing rappers?
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 14:04 (Ref:3986256)   #2078
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In discussions such as this, I really miss the measured and considered of the late and much-lamented sage of Attleborough, Mike Bell.
We all miss him and I think the particular discussion has run its course now anyway.
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 14:28 (Ref:3986266)   #2079
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We all miss him and I think the particular discussion has run its course now anyway.
Being to blame, Peter, I concur.

Why have elephants got big ears?

Answer.?????
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 14:32 (Ref:3986267)   #2080
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Because Noddy refuses to pay the ransom.
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 14:45 (Ref:3986269)   #2081
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Because Noddy refuses to pay the ransom.
people are showing their age here.

What did he Crusader say when he saw the Saracens coming over the hill?
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 14:50 (Ref:3986270)   #2082
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Trying to think of a rugby punchline
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 17:22 (Ref:3986296)   #2083
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people are showing their age here.

What did he Crusader say when he saw the Saracens coming over the hill?
Run !!!!!!
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 19:03 (Ref:3986323)   #2084
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Funny place to be rugby training
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 19:26 (Ref:3986326)   #2085
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What did the Crusader say when he saw the Saracens coming over the hill?

I wish I had not asked because the punch line is ...

Look out boys, here come the Saracens.

I know i know, that is exactly how I re-acted when my mate Eric told it to me.
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 19:36 (Ref:3986327)   #2086
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I wish I had not asked because the punch line is ...

Look out boys, here come the Saracens.

Isn't that similar to what, and not many people know this, Michael Caine said towards the end of the film set in Africa when the the Zulus came up to the top of the hill overlooking the British troops? And was the film called Zulu?
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Old 6 Jul 2020, 19:37 (Ref:3986328)   #2087
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Well there really is no need to run if you only have a punchline like that. Less of a punchline, more of a feeble slap around the face with a wet lettuce line.



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Old 6 Jul 2020, 21:00 (Ref:3986346)   #2088
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Well there really is no need to run if you only have a punchline like that. Less of a punchline, more of a feeble slap around the face with a wet lettuce line.



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I expect you know some better jokes then?
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 00:04 (Ref:3986367)   #2089
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Being to blame, Peter, I concur.

Why have elephants got big ears?

Answer.?????
and why do Elephants have flat feet!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 05:45 (Ref:3986385)   #2090
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Why have elephants got big ears?
If its the same type of answer to the question "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow" my answer is: depends on where the elephant comes from, Africa or Asia?
GTB, elephants have flat feet from jumping out of palm trees I've been told… From stomping out burning ducks must be acceptable!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 05:49 (Ref:3986386)   #2091
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Why castors have flat tails? EB knows the answer quite well…
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 07:24 (Ref:3986404)   #2092
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Gerard that's a difficult one. Given that I don't know what a castor is.

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Old 7 Jul 2020, 07:28 (Ref:3986411)   #2093
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We call them beavers.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 07:28 (Ref:3986410)   #2094
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I expect you know some better jokes then?
Why are the soles of elephants' feet yellow?

So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard.

You've never seen an elephant in a bowl of custard? Shows how good the disguise is.

All these jokes are very funny in the wee small hours after several glasses of good cheer. Let's pretend we're there, not kicking our heels at home. More!

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Old 7 Jul 2020, 07:36 (Ref:3986415)   #2095
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Very old one, in French… Comment faire entrer quatre éléphants dans une Dauphine * toit ouvrant? Answer: on en met deux derrière et deux devant!

As to beavers there's a relation with ducks!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 08:43 (Ref:3986435)   #2096
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Why are the soles of elephants' feet yellow?

So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard.

You've never seen an elephant in a bowl of custard? Shows how good the disguise is.

All these jokes are very funny in the wee small hours after several glasses of good cheer. Let's pretend we're there, not kicking our heels at home. More!

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Many, many years ago I was working at a small mixing machine, when a colleague wandered in and asked;

"What's green and got wheels?"

When I was unable to answer he said; "Grass." "Grass?"

Punchline; "I lied about the wheels."

After he left I was thinking what a stupid joke it was, not in the least bit funny .... and then I started to laugh, and laugh, and laugh, as the idea came to me .."I lied about the wheels." I still smile even now.

Why does it take six women with Post natal depression to change a light bulb?

Knock! Knock! Whose there? Wurlitzer. Wurlitzer who? ........

What time was the Chinaman's dental appointment?

A Chinaman went for a job on a building site, and the foreman put him in charge of the supplies office. Later he decided to check on the man, but when he got to the Supplies Hut the guy was no where to be seen.

The the Chinaman jumped-up from behind the counter and shouted;

Surplies , surplies!


Well you did ask.

See there are worse things than the Covid virus after all.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 10:41 (Ref:3986451)   #2097
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One time a family took their dear old Granny into a nursing home. On her first day they bathed her, clothed her, fed her and finally sat her down. Suddenly she starts to lean over and so one of the nurses rushes over and straightens her. Then she starts to lean over the other way and so the nurse straightens her up again. This goes on all afternoon, until finally they can keep her still.

The next day the family comes over and asks her what she thinks of the place. “Oh it’s lovely,” she says. “The staff are friendly, the food is great and the facilities are excellent. There’s just one problem.” “What’s that?” asks the family. “They won’t let you fart!”

Thanks to my late uncle for telling me that one. Been entertaining loads of people with that joke since
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 10:56 (Ref:3986456)   #2098
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Knock! Knock! Whose there? Wurlitzer. Wurlitzer ........
One for the money, two for the show...........................
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 10:57 (Ref:3986457)   #2099
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Very old one, in French… Comment faire entrer quatre éléphants dans une Dauphine * toit ouvrant? Answer: on en met deux derrière et deux devant!

As to beavers there's a relation with ducks!

Obviously in France you have bigger elephants.


In the UK the car of choice for the joke was a British Leyland mini.


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Old 7 Jul 2020, 10:59 (Ref:3986458)   #2100
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What time was the Chinaman's dental appointment?

2:30
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