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23 Aug 2004, 05:30 (Ref:1074822)
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#1 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 576
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Who has a sense of humor???
On Friday, my editor (I believe that some of you know her) sent me a scathing email wondering where her practice report from Pike's Peak was. I wrote her back quickly to explain that Pike's was a two-day event, and therefore there was no track activity Friday, and thus no report.
Backpeddaling, she sent back, "It's the IRL (she is not a fan of the League), can't you make something up?" So I did.... I wrote a tounge-in-cheek report on a day with no track activity, just to make her laugh. It's all a joke, and I thought that those of you with a sense of humor might enjoy it.... Here it is, I thought that you would enjoy a laugh.... FOUNTAIN, CO (August 20, 2004)- The teams of the IRL arrived at Pikes Peak today to ready for the hINDA iNDY 225 Sunday. Rookie Ed Carpenter inspected the track and was relieved to find that all of the turns were lefts. " Boy am I glad, " said Ed, "I read something on the Internet about right turns, and I've been dreading it ever since." Helio Castroneves, with no track activity scheduled today, drove his Ferrari downtown to "scope chicks" vowing to 'score' before midnight. His Penske teammate, Sam Hornish, puffing on a Marlboro cigarette, (anything to appease the sponsor) said, "I don't know how much more of Castroneves I can take. We are total opposites, he gets all the women, he even takes the ugly ones. He's a machine, I tell you...a MACHINE!" Tony Kanaan, sipping on a Big Gulp, predicted a win for the 7-Eleven team. "It'll be close, but I'll win by a nose." "If Kanaan wins by a NOSE" said team owner, Michael Andretti, "It will be the widest margin of victory in the history of the IRL." The Pennzoil Panther team was in particular good spirits today. "We had an easy week to prepare for the race, Tomas only burned the car this time, rather than wrecking it entirely. We were thrilled with the pit fire, after all we are just about out of chassis." Scheckter, sipping on a quart of Pennzoil, skirted the issue of his innate ability to find the wall,and insisted that his nose was actually larger than Kanaan's. Well, the point standings speak for themselves. The Indy winner, Buddy Rice, was also on hand. He was asked about his recent success, but refused to credit the team. " The only reason that I'm winning is because Rahal showed me how to wear a hat properly, I always thought that the brim was to keep from sunburning the back of your neck. If I would have known that that thing went in the front, I'd have turned it around years ago. I can't believe nobody told me, I must have looked really stupid." Rice, financing a home through Argent Mortgage, is expected to contend for the win, unless there are any green cars around. The Ganassi drivers, Darren Manning and Scott Dixon, are in the midst of a disappointing season, and don't expect things to turn around anytime soon. Dixon, munching on a bowl of Wheaties, explained. "Nothing has gone right this year. It's as if there is a giant bullseye on my car and everybody is out to get me." Manning also made some comments, but his British accent was too thick for the local Colorado media to understand a word he said. Suffice to say, the sideburns and long hair have got to go. There is no coincidence that the recent spats of Elvis-sightings have mirrored the IRL schedule. Sarah Fisher will also be on hand to drive the IRL two-seater for VIP's on Saturday. Fisher is still pursuing a full-time ride in the series. Fisher, wishing she had something to smoke, drink, eat, or finance, complained loudly,"Hasn't anyone noticed that my breasts are larger this year! For crying out loud, I've lost the tomboy look and I'm almost HOT! Helio won't leave me alone, that should tell you something." ....Danica Patrick was unavailable for comment. Dario Franchitti, wondering just exactly what Arca/Ex is, was asked about his chances for victory in the race "I'm married to Ashley Judd," replied Franchitti, I don't care how I do in the race." We agree, and we like his Sean Connery impersonation. It's interesting that an Italian can pull off the Scottish dialect. Adrian Fernandez, tapping a keg of Tecate, was optimistic this weekend coming off of his first series win last week. " Jou know, I'll tell jou something." said Fernandez, who appeared to have some type of speech impediment that causes him to talk like Al Pacino in Scarface, "If jou think that jou can beat me in the race, I'll just run over jour mechanics in the pit. Say hello to my little friend!!!" All in all, it should be an exciting event Sunday. Last edited by SevenGrain; 23 Aug 2004 at 05:34. |
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__________________
"Be especially careful with ten or eleven laps to go, the wall may jump out and hit you" -Emerson Fittipaldi, 1995 |
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23 Aug 2004, 06:43 (Ref:1074849)
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#2 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,512
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 I think that, given the circumstances, also F1 will have to invent something similar! 
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__________________
You got to learn how to fall, before you learn to fly P.Simon |
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23 Aug 2004, 07:05 (Ref:1074860)
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#3 | ||
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Ten-Tenths Hall of Fame
Veteran
Join Date: Jun 1999
Posts: 12,053
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very well done Seven Grain
 Im sure your editor got a chuckle
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__________________
In Loving memory of Peter Brock I hate it when im driving in a straight line & Seb Vettel runs into me GO THE MIGHTY HAWKS !!!! |
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23 Aug 2004, 07:39 (Ref:1074879)
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#4 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 4,900
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__________________
I can't drive 55. |
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23 Aug 2004, 11:23 (Ref:1075018)
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#5 | ||
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Racer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 195
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LMAO, good one! thanks, i needed a laugh to cheer me up after poor results for my boys on Sunday!
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23 Aug 2004, 12:40 (Ref:1075088)
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#6 | |
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Registered User
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 16,661
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Hardly a poor result from your boy Kanaan, Jenna.
Knowing his rival for the title was out, he drove sensibly and moved a big step nearer to becoming champion. |
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23 Aug 2004, 13:07 (Ref:1075115)
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#7 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 7,263
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Yeah but TK has got to have a bad run of luck soon, has anyone ever finished the league without retiring? (Not including early days when there was only half a dozen events)
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__________________
The thrill from west hill |
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23 Aug 2004, 13:33 (Ref:1075143)
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#8 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 13,000
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I hope the writer of this realises that, despite his Italian parentage, Dario is Scottish born and raised?
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23 Aug 2004, 13:38 (Ref:1075148)
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#9 | |
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Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 529
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That was good
 Give that man a  !ps...don't bet on it, Boots (inre: Dario)...you'd be amazed at the naivete of "the common folk"
Last edited by MLM; 23 Aug 2004 at 13:41. |
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23 Aug 2004, 13:57 (Ref:1075174)
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#10 | |
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Registered User
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 16,661
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Er, I'm pretty sure the writer realises.
It was a joke. |
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23 Aug 2004, 14:41 (Ref:1075222)
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#11 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 576
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Yeah, that was the joke..
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__________________
"Be especially careful with ten or eleven laps to go, the wall may jump out and hit you" -Emerson Fittipaldi, 1995 |
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23 Aug 2004, 15:24 (Ref:1075250)
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#12 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,125
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That's some classic stuff there, Sevengrain!
"Win by a nose - largest margin in IRL history..." I'm still laughing!
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__________________
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus! |
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23 Aug 2004, 17:57 (Ref:1075351)
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#13 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 670
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By far the best was about Dario's lack of knowledge on what ARCA/EX is. Great joke!
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__________________
Not even death can stop me, and if death takes me by surprise, it's more than welcome. |
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23 Aug 2004, 19:47 (Ref:1075455)
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#14 | |
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Registered User
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 16,661
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What is Arca/Ex, then?
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23 Aug 2004, 19:58 (Ref:1075469)
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#15 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 4,900
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That's what I was wondering....
Who says advertising dosen't work?
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__________________
I can't drive 55. |
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23 Aug 2004, 20:32 (Ref:1075509)
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#16 | |
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Registered User
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 16,661
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23 Aug 2004, 21:25 (Ref:1075567)
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#17 | ||
 Race OfficialVeteran
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 12,447
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Excellent stuff. I hope they didn't print it... stranger things have happened.
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__________________
Bill Bryson: It is no longer permitted to be stupid and slow. You must choose one or the other. |
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23 Aug 2004, 23:03 (Ref:1075659)
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#18 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 670
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Holy Cow Arca/Ex is a stock market. and I though I was a business major.
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__________________
Not even death can stop me, and if death takes me by surprise, it's more than welcome. |
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24 Aug 2004, 02:57 (Ref:1075753)
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#19 | |||
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Racer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 195
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Quote:
but def another bad result for poor Scheckter. 
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24 Aug 2004, 10:20 (Ref:1075989)
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#20 | |
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Registered User
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 16,661
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Yes, and once again not his fault.
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24 Aug 2004, 12:50 (Ref:1076112)
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#21 | ||
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Racer
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 195
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lol, that's not very consoling anymore!
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25 Aug 2004, 15:30 (Ref:1077201)
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#22 | ||
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Rookie
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 37
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humor
That was good. too bad it wasn't April 1.
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...got to keep the loonies on the path |
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