Champ Car Fantasy Racing Grid

[bella]

PRESS RELEASE

CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND - in response to amoffat's suggestions, sadly, i ran out of places on my poll, and i was going down the post from the beginning. alternatively, i may have decided i didn't think yo were going to win, like i thought penske were stuffed this year.

thankyou, and goodnight.

bella.
'drive it like you're 80'

[Liz]

Welcome Team Alphasport. You are Team 25.

[Big Kahuna]

OK LIzzie, the old pro is back after almost a year. Sign me up with the name Miracle Racing.
Drivers:
Gil deFerran
Adrian Fernandez
Engine:
Toyota
Chassis:
Reynard
Primary Sponsor:
Tootsie Rolls
Team Manager:
The Late Great Spanky Smith
Chief Engineer:
Sherman "Arms" Decker

Now how can I lose?

[Airhead]

Press Release TAM

Bella,

I've covered more than enough bent and twisted polls and erections, I mean elections in my time. I was with all the greats, Nixon, um, Nixon. And that guy who followed football and stole papers from a hotel room. And, I have never seen such a rigged poll. Of cause we will win. Don't you think I've got better things to do with my time than write endless press releases on the behaviour modification program in process for Michael and Paul?

Hunter S

[SL]

**** Press Release ****

Last Minute Racing are pleased to announce an entry into the Champ cars series.

A new sponsership deal is just about to be signed allowing the team to enter into the US series as well as the World F1 series. Also a possible 5 car attack at winning Le Mans with Bentley has not been ruled out.

Drivers will be - Jimmy Vasser
Dario Franchitti
Christian Fittapaldi
Car Chassis Lola
Power Honda
Tyres BBRT
Base Brands Hatch (UK)

Tactician/Press/Liason Officer/Protection Provider
Vinnie Jones
Pit BABES Jennifer Lopez / Uma Thurman
Pit Babe Oiler Simon Lowes
Tea Girl Victoria Beckham (aka Posh)
Principal Hugh Jarse

Cheerleaders supplied by Haiwian Tropic

Full sponsership details will be announced later today.

Last Minute Racing

[SL]

**** Press Release ****

Last Minute Racing have just pulled out of a possible link up with "Hooter's".

Regretably after a late evening of negotiatons at an undisclosed bar with an owl logo in Florida, team principle Hugh Jarse misheard the "Hooters" CEO's claim of the biggest silicon bits in America. Now sober and realising that the big bits were not the expected big silicon chips, Hugh has offered his resignation.

We wish Hugh the best of luck in his new position as burger flipper at Hooters, Daytona Beach.

Meanwhile ex Chelsea & Millwall football player and star of the gangster film "Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" Vinnie Jones will take over as caretaker manager with support from Chelsea Football Club captain Dennis Wise.

Dennis's Italian connections will bring with him sponsorship from Luigi's Bar & Grill, Little Italy, NYC.

In the $500 million deal Luigi said "It is nice to know that the small profits we have made over the last 6 months will bring worldwide fame to our small bar, the days of the motor racing privateer are not yet over, we will show that we can mix with the big boys. We have more funds available to cover the F1 programme as soon as our next delivery of top grade pasta arrives from South America. My one regret is that my beloved Ferrari have no suitable engine for Champ cars"

Explaining the high price his pasta sold at, Luigi reluctantly hinted quietly, saying that most local people prefered his pasta as other cheaper pasta's tended to catch alight in the early hours of the morning causing severe damage to buildings and people.

Lasta Minuta Racing
in partnership with
Luigi's Bar & Grill Racing

[R]

Originally posted by SL
ex Chelsea & Millwall football player and star of the gangster film "Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels" Vinnie Jones

Sorry to be picky and going off topic, but when was Vinnie Jones at Millwall??

[Liz]

Welcome Miracle Racing - Team 26 - and Last Minute Racing - Team 27.

With a grid this size, we envision cars going five high on some of the speedways! Should be a sight to see!

Eat your heart out Bernie!

===============

FROM THE RACING COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE

The pilots are entered on the grid in the order each team submits their names; howevEr, for those teams running three cars, please keep in mind that only two will count for points in an actual race. Should you wish to rearrange your pilots before March 1 when the grid closes, please let our office know.

Marcel "Le Sang Chaud" Beauvais
pour Le Commissionaire du Cours

[SL]

*** News Update ***

Oh drat & curses.

DAmm footballers lying SOB's. Guess it should have been Wimbledon Football Club on his CV. That's why we did not get a reply for the referance's. Investigations will be undertaken and if it is found that Vinnie was not employed by Millwall he may well be suspended.

End of update.

[MichaelC]

Fisher Price Team SkidMarks: Press Release

Fisher-Price Team SkidMarks is pleased to announce that we have signed up Gillian Anderson and Neve Campbell as official female companions for our team. As we believe in equal rights, neither Ms. Anderson or Ms. Campbell will be required to be in any way scantily-clad (except during team days out at the beach), and will not be required to pose provocatively around the car or driver at any time. They're in solely because we enjoy female company, and we thought they would be good fun to have around.

Oh, and we fired Doris.

Ends.

[rdjones]

Team Super Owls Press Release
January 15th 2001

Team Super Owls have change there driver. The two drives who can score point are:-

Dario Franchitti
Gil de Ferran

a third car will still be run for Bruno Junqueria.

Nigel Mansell has agreed to be part of the team, as driver coach and will take race the fourth car at Rockingham.

The team have also signed a 5 year deal with Sheffield Hallam University, who will be providing technical and Computer support for the team. This programme will help both students and team in the futre.

The team will soon be able to say what it is doing within Formula 1 this season. Two top line drivers are talking to the team about drives for the forthcoming season.

[bella]

TEAM DANGEROUS PRESS RELEASE

CAMBRIDGE, UK - following a lot of thought whilst driving around england yesterday, bella has not reached a decision about a third driver. her arguements are as follows -

alex tagliani
pros - cute. nice and fast. likes driving into people (only a pro when mikey's involved).
cons - crashes too much. spends too long attending to facial hair.

helio castroneves
pros - awwww.....
cons - his sister scares me.

following this press release, bella reached a decision. band aid team dangerous is as follows.

DRIVERS -
christian 'george, george, george of the jungle, watch out for that tree' fittipaldi
nicolas 'one for the road' minassian
helio 'wheeeeeeeee!!' castroneves

CAR -
toyota lola.

so there.

you're all going to get comprehensively beaten by me. prepare yourselves.
amoffat in the back row there with a pit 'babe', stop laughing. you will be beaten first.

bella.
'let someone else drive it'

[Airhead]

Press Release: Team Agression Maximisation

In the light of the new dawn, stone cold sober and shaking uncontrollably, the plan was hatched. It was time for the beach, to wash away the events of the preceeding week. To renew the flagging spirirts. To experience the rebirth of enthusiasm after the failed experiments with the Sexual Tension Approach and the Banjo Therapy. To perve on nubile young bodies.

In a scene reminiscent of the Kesey Magic Bus trips we hire a 28 seater and strap a seat to the roof. The drivers learn to trust each other by alternating the drivers seat for the one on the roof. Paul takes the wheel. Michael takes the LSD and then the motley crew sets forth. To the beach.

Bella, the time for laughing is drawing to a close. We have developed the altimate in team tactics and the ultimate race cars. 10 cars in all, with different dimensions, motors, tyres, heck, everything different in the ultimate quest for glory and a decent peanut butter sandwich.

TAM - "we're gunna eat your babies"

[Liz]

CLARIFICATION TO THE RULES

For those teams carrying three pilots, the following should be noted:

All pilots are eligible to score points; however, only 2 pilots of the three on any team will be scored in any one race. That is, should all three pilots finish in the points, only the two pilots listed first on your team roster will count. So it's in your best interest to have your grid arranged to put those pilots you expect to score most often, at the top.

Should any of your three pilots be the first man out of the race, he will still lose points for the team.

[R]

*R Racing Press Release*

Following the clarification of the rules, the R Racing team would like to announce that our drivers will line up in the following order in terms of point scoring eligibility this coming season:

Kenny Brack
Alex Zanardi
Max Papis

The team has also selected a motto, to be put on the back end of the back wing so that every car we pass on our way to glory will see it. It will read as follows: "We R Racing - R U ?!?" The intention is to demoralise the opposition. It's the product of our brilliant tactician, C. Unning.

[senna12]

I.M. Sorry, press officer for Wescan Racing, today announced the establishment of their website(or what the team believes is a website). The site provides links to each of our drivers sites, as well as the sites of some of our sponsors. This site further emphasizes the importance of technology to Wescan Racing, yeah right!! It can be reached at;

wescan racing

[senna12]

that try didn't work, so I'll try it again. never tried to insert a URL before,so here goes;

http://www.wescanracing.homestead.com/wescanracing.html

[MichaelC]

Team SkidMarks appoints no3. Female Companion

Fisher-Price Team Skidmarks is pleased to announce the signing of Kate Winslet as our third female companion (see above).
We hope that she and Gillian will not be fighting over the title of no.1 redhead, as we do not have a number 1 and 2, but numbers 1a and 1b.

William '2 days and counting' Clinton.

[Airhead]

Press Release: Team Agression Maximisation.

TAM has released the plans of the new car to be used by drivers Michael Andretti and Paul Tracey for the upcoming 2001 season. So far (like it's early days man!) the team has perfected the ovan track car (well almost). Loosely based on an alcohol (now your talking) burning rail dragster the long wheel base, big block, low drag configuration abomination went though it's first test runs today. ETA 4.5 seconds for a terminal speed or 398 mph.

Michael is recovering well from the shock of the acceleration, and not so well from the deceleration injuries sustained when he tried to take turn two!

The team is renewing it's efforts to perfect the replacable, retreivable, renewable, parachute that is needed to negotiate four turns per lap.

After a heady and steamy debrief from this test session. Which involved Paul throwing punches at the team owner (you only hurt the ones' you love after all) the resulting crash has been put down to driver error.

Hunter S is now AWOL.

Pamela Anderdson - wait am I still married to that guy? - Lee

[PBR]

Team DUI - Press Release

Aftermuch discussion Team DUI/Jack Daniels has chosen australian Melinda Price as pit wench (umm sorry) Pit Babe.

Melinda has also offered to be our Driving Coach but we are still thinging long and hard about that one.

Wilma Cargo
Press Officer

[PBR]

Urgent press relaese-Team DUI

In keeping with the regulations as they stand we would like to announce our driver order for season 2001.

1: Alex Zanardi
2: Paul Tracy
3: Dario Franchitti

At this point team DUI/Jack Daniels would like to stress that these placings are for points scoring only and have no relation to the drivers position/treatment within our team.

In keeping with the trend for Motto's or slogans, Team DUI/Jack Daniels have chosen won we think is suitable for our group of staff.

Drive it like you stole it.

Wilma Cargo
Press Officer

Drive it like you stole it.

[Liz]

PRESS RELEASE: TEAM PENSKE BABE
=======================================

Tuba City, Arizona - - Team Mrs. Fields Pies Penske Babe has begun their rigorous round of winter testing, which consists mainly of drag-racing the 2001 Reynards down a specially prepared runway just outside our Winter Headquarters. The fastest pilot of the day was Castro-Neves, who celebrated in his customary way. Efforts are continuing to get him to come down from the fence, despite the advice of his teammates to "just leave him up there and he will come down for dinner." Following today's testing, the crew adjourned to Murray's new "Very Much Mistaken Bar and Grille" to practice their Portuguese, and Messrs. de Ferran and Junqueria were chucked out for having hysterics.

Our team is tanned, fit and ready to race, and we are stocking up on champagne in anticipation.

Pedro "El Guapo" Morales
Press Officer

"We ate all the pies!"

[elephino]

Hesketh Racing Media Release

Hesketh Racing have been attempting to test in secret at a number of venues. First we tried Longford but the bridges were out, some of the track turned into a freeway and the pub was open so not much was done anyway. Then tried Amaroo Park but someone put a huge hole in the middle of it. Finally, after much desperation, Hesketh Racing tried Surfers Paradise and discovered it is now a turf farm.

Greg Murphy
Press Officer

(and wondering how many people know about the other Surfers track)

[GM99]

PRESS RELEASE: TEAM CANADA

We wish to annouce that Michael J. Fox has come to the team as co-owner, with his free time that he has he wished to be active in the sport and are more than pleased to welcome him aboard. He will also be active in our promotions and marketing department and appearing in our commercials.

We wish to also announce that appointments of Pamela Anderson and Shania Twain as our pit hostesses, they will also be working closely with Mr. Fox in the marketing department.

Paul Tracy and Patrick Carpentier have begun testing at our private track in Spuzzum British Columbia and reports are very positive.

Media Relations: Claude Bourbonnais

[bella]

team dangerous

weekly bulletin -
* a nasty flu has been spread throughout the team. bella and new trend advisor alex tagliani were struck down by the bug, and spent a week in bed. further details are unavailable..
* the team motto is still under consiteration. seeing as how everyone has 'drive it like you stole it', and 'i've got pmt and a gun' was distinctly inaccurate, a decision is being made on a new, original motto.
* it's too cold for testing, so the entire team went on down to the bahamas for a bit of a beach sesh. bella was last seen debating the ins and outs of automatic gearboxes with helio (closely followed by a short 'shall we go for a beer, then?' discussion), while christian was last seen sunbathing. nicolas was last seen asleep on the bar, clutching a beer, and a bikini top.

trend advisor - team dangerous has appointed a trend advison on the grounds that bella couldn't bear no to recruit alex tagliani. he will advise on what is cool, what should be worn, and what won't be. however, he has no support from team dabgerous for his current haircut. oh dear.

team dangerous
'20% british'