Fantasy Champ Car Standings: Long Beach

[Liz]

Points for Long Beach Race:

1. Team Crunch 42
2. Twisted Steel Racing 42
3. Team Penske Babe 41
4. Team Squabble 41
5. Tulip Racing Champ Cars 40
6. Wescan (Can) Racing Ltd. 39
7. Team Champ Cars UK 37
8. team dangerous 32
9. Team Xenomorphic 30
- Jayspeed 30
- Euro-Atlantic Racing 30
10. EMS Racing 29
- Project 34 29
11. Team DUI 28
- Team Motorpsycho Nightmre 28
12. Miracle Racing 26
13. Team Super Owls 24
- Nordstrom Racing 24
- Last Minute Racing 24
- Team Wrex 24
- Maybe Never Racing 24
14. Team Sandbag 21
- Team Canada 21
15. Team Aggression Maximisatin 20
16. Team Lost Cause 19
- Team Howard's Way 19
- Team Hoffspeed 19
17. DontCrashPaul 18
18. Chris Larsen Racing 16
- Hesketh Racing 16
- Team Chevoit 16
- Team Twinkle 16
19. Karma Racing 13
- Revcounter Racing 13
20. Gonk Racing (US) Inc. 12
21. Team Alphasports 11
- Team Gonads 11
22. Team Studley Do-Right 10
23. Team Dubya 8
24. The Skidmarks 0
25. R Racing -5

------------------------------------------
Standings After 2 Races:

1. Wescan 84
2. Tulip Racing Champ Cars 83
3. Team Squabble 81
4. Jayspeed 73
- Team Crunch 73
- Twisted Steel Racing 73
5. Team Penske Babe 63
6. Team Xenomorphic 62
7. Team Aggression Maximisation 60
8. Team DUI 59
- Team Motorpsycho Nightmare 59
9. Team Wrex 55
10. team dangerous 49
11. Last Minute Racing 47
-- Euro-American Racing 47
12. Team Canada 46
-- Team Super Owls 46
13. Hesketh Racing 45
14. Chris Larsen Racing 44
15. Miracle Racing 43
16. DontCrashPaul 42
17. EMS Racing 39
-- Project 34: 39
18. Team Sandbag 37
19. Team Lost Cause 36
-- Team Champ Cars UK 36
20. Revcounter Racing 25
-- Team Skidmarks 25
21. Team Gonads 24
-- Team Twinkle 24
22. Team Alphasports 23
-- Team Hoffspeed 23
23. Team Dubya 14
-- Karma Racing 14
24. R Racing 7
25. Team Studley Do-Right 5

All spreadsheets are available for examination - send me an e-mail.

First exit from the race today: Michael Andretti.
Fastest lap (indeed, fastest FOUR laps): Bruno Junqeria.

Any questions, please ask!

Congratulations to everyone who finished the race today.

[Jay]

Obviously this has been a very good race for team Crunch, more news to follow...

[Wrex]

Your excellent Liz, or Australian coverage of CART is pathetic, or probably both. You watch the race, put these results together and the race for me is still 11 hours away!

Great effort

[R]

Minus 5 points my (mumble, mumble)

[bella]

8th? holy underpants!
who? i mean, how?

made my day that did.
(but it's rigged! team penske babe are third!)

[Liz]

PRESS RELEASE

Long Beach, California - Team Mrs. Fields Pies Penske Babe had a really successful outing at Long Beach, as all three of our pilots came home in fine style. [In fact, if the Race Commissioner hadn't said only two cars out of three can score if they all finish, we'd be first!]All praise to Helio, whose new training regimen of being chased around the piste by hordes of adoring females has obviously perfected his fence-climbing skills. (The Team will happily pay the fine and adds a rude gesture to Chris Kneifel - party pooper!) Gil of course was his usual calm and collected self, and earned another podium in defence of his Championship by consummate driving and good pit strategy.

But the hero of the day was Bruno, who swarmed from 28th and Last to 8th (before being swarmed by Nicolas and settling for 9th - this time.) After the race he confessed that Helio promised to take him back to the Tiki Room at Disneyland if he had a good race, an Mr. Ganassi threatened to kick his butt from here to eternity if he didn't. We expect great things of him as the season goes on, and Nick had better watch his mirrors!

All the boys will be taken out for an evening of karioke and new hats before leaving for our next venue. WELL DONE THE TEAM!

Pedro "El Guapo" Morales
Press Officer

"We ate all the pies!"

============

P.S. And the Race Commissioner did all of the above with the added handicap of a power failure fifteen minutes before the race started, and four trips (2 round trips) up and down sixteen flights of stairs to find a television that was working! She has also filed Canly against her cousin who upon being contacted by phone to help out with the play by play said "Oh it was boring so I turned it off."

[bella]

team dangerous in association with stella international racing press release

band aid team dangerous is pleased to announce they have shot up the rankings to a stunning 10th in the table after a miraculous race by team dangerous star helio castroneves. nicolas minassian also did very well, and has been rewarded with a pint of guinness and a big ice cream sundae. team dangerous driver christian fittipaldi was in the doghouse for agreeing to drive that monstrosity, but was quickly released when it was discovered his retirement was down to dodgy workmanship.

aesthetic consultant alex tagliani was seen after the race about to beat two kinds of (naughty word) out of paul tracy. team boss bella supplied the baseball bat, and was seen giving alex hints on where to hit paul so it'd hurt the most. he wishes to announce his grief at taking out a row of traffic cones, and says it's a terrible shame, but it wasn't his fault.

the cars were blessed before the race by stella international racing honorary driver fernando alonso, and bella swears this is why they did so well. nicolas and helio were pretty cheesed off to hear this, and raised their hands in order to be recognised as the drivers. nicolas uttered something about bella only fancied him, and bella clipped him round the ear and said she only had eyes for alex...oops. alexandre was last seen running away in a northerly direction, with a hanky tied on a stick containing all his worldly belongings. don't worry - he'll be back. we have his daft hat collection and his favourite shades.

bella
team boss
team dangerous in association with stella international racing

[gomick]

REVCOUNTER RACING PRESS RELEASE :
management says that they will stick by there rookie scott dixon who is responsible for the team languishing in 20th position. team mate jimmy vasser has been excellent.


ps:great work liz

[elephino]

Hesketh Racing Press Release

Due to a V8 Supercar round in Adelaide on the weekend, the press officer this week is not available. Why did he have to get a job?

Team Hesketh has instructed all its' drivers to either win or bust just to get out of unlucky 13th position overall.

Jeremy Shaw
Interim Press Officer

[Marshal]

Press Release - Team Twinkle

"We'd just like to tell Jimmy we're very sorry we got rid of him and think that we might have been better served ditching roberto instead. Sorry, what was that, no i wasn't saying anything Roberto, no, it wasn't me mentioning your name, yes we all think you're great..

Team Twinkle, in association with the Swan Inn, Tockington."

Cindy Crawford, press officer, SIT Twinkle Racing

[bella]

team dangerous in association with stella international racing

team boss bella wished to announce the safe return of aesthetic consultant (and resident headgear expert) alex tagliani. we were right. he wouldn't last long without his favourite shades.

we also wish to make it clear that christian fittipaldi's place at team dangerous is not in jeapordy. we all know it's the car that keeps on exploding, and we all understand it's hard for him, what with that little toad in the other newman haas car doing so well. he has our full support.

helio says hi, and if you don't support us, he'll send his sister round.

bella
team boss
team dangerous in association with stella international racing

[angst]

Team Howards Way Press Release.

I think we've seen that, from the first race to this race there has been a marked improvement. Hard work is still the only real guarantee of success, and even then it's no guarantee.
Nicolas managed to avoid contact with his pal Bruno and came home ahead of his fellow rookie, giving us some much needed points to back up Dario. Alex has been a little disappointing so far and we expect more from Dario, but after our pretty poor start this is a good foundation to build upon for the season.
It's pretty clear who has the upper hand in the races so far, but in this series things can change very quickly. Having said that we need to get some good, solid results in soon before we lose touch with the frontrunners.
Obviously things may need to be changed but at the moment we're happy with the progress that's being made. With a bit of graft, and a bit of character which I have no doubt all our drivers have we'll be up among the leaders soon. I think.
Howard Wilkinson. Press officer

[Crash Test]

Team Dont Crash Paul

Zanardi? What the hell's yer problem mate? Gees...

Kenny? Pull yer finger out.

Bloody hell! My bookmaker is going to break my legs!

ENDS

Ar.C.Moron
Tyrant Media Consultant
and obsesive gambler

[Airhead]

Press Release: TEAM AGRESSION MAXIMISATION

The combined efforts of two great drivers has TAM 7th in the Championship after two rounds. The Long Beach race was a minor disaster for the team as Team Principal Allan Moffat was late to the track, arriving on lap 20 after doing the babe watch thing with Pammy down on the beach (there is a beach right?) to be told that his eyetalian stallion Mikey 'toe cutter' Andretti had gone from the standings on lap one. At the time of writing no one concerned with the team has any idea what happened to Mikey.

Puppeteer Paul did a great job ending the day in a valent fourth place. Surrounded by Brazilians with attitude. Paul to the teams eyes was the only driver to knowingly and intentionally overtake anyone else for the entire race. TAM noticed that this meant they were the only team left awake in the pits at the end of the day.

As for Helio jumping around like a fool, hugging every bloke in sight, and generally bringing the sport into disrepute, enjoy it while you can. The ovals and destiny await!!

[MichaelC]

One quick question Ma'am? Team Skidmarks appear to have disappeared from the overall standings above. I know we didn't score anything in the last race, but we don't deserve this, surely??

Respectfully yours,
William J Clinton.

[Liz]

Humble apologies to Team Skidmarks for leaving them off the Standings After 2 Races list - it has now been edited to show them tied for 20th with Revcounter Racing, at 25 points.

[MichaelC]

Thanks Liz! I'm not sure it was worth it to be honest, but the season is yet young, we have plenty of time to catch up again...

Zero points...honestly...we re quite literally the Prost Acer of fantasy Champ Car racing

[Shaun]

Press Release from Team Champ Cars UK

Paul Tracy will again be driving for our team, providing he brings back the Champ Car he took down to Hollywood. When he told us he was taking the car for a spin, we didn't realise he meant donoughts in Hollywood.

Gil is up for it but just in case, portaloos have been installed in the pitlane although no excessive sppeding to the cubicles will be allowed, other he may find himself sitting out a penalty.

Good luck to the boys in Texas.

[rdjones]

Press Release from Team Super Owls

Team Super Owls are pleased to be in 12th place overall and are looking forward to building on there good start to the season. The team is looking forward to the first oval race of the season at the Texas Motor Speedway.